Those Ruddy Rock Stars

One the first of August in 1987, the latest and greatest in television, MTV Europe, came to life. And the very first thing they played was Dire Straits’ “Money for Nothing.”

Why’d they do that? Well, for one thing, Money for Nothing had topped the US singles chart for three weeks, so it was most certainly a big thing. And, heck, it’s a good song. But there was another gimmick - the song opens, proceeds, and ends with the words “I want my MTV”. It’s probably the song’s most iconic line, outside of the “Money for Nothing” chorus.

Yes, Money for Nothing has a lot to say about the MTV, and the odd thing is that not all of it is good.

The songwriter has related to us the story of his piece’s birth. It all went down when the artist encountered a store clerk in a music shop who was sitting in front of several rows of shelves filled with brand-new televisions, all tuned to MTV. As the songwriter walked by, this store clerk was suddenly seized with purpose and decided to give MTV (and the whole music industry too) a lambasting so brutal that the artist had no choice but to whip out a notebook and write down what the store employee had to say, and then - in rather ironic fashion - turn it into a song.

In Money for Nothing, we listen to a store employee talk about how his life is filled with “installing refrigerators” and “colour TVs” whereas those lazy musician types “maybe [they] get a blister on [their] thumb… maybe [they] get a blister on [their[ pinkie.”

“That ain't workin'!” declares the store clerk. “[They’re getting] Money for Nothing and Chicks for Free.”

“That little faggot got his own jet airplane,” he complains, explaining his horror at the riches of strangely-dressed effeminate rock stars.

The lyrics are hardly serious. Unlike other pieces of satire, which are often brutal, aggressive, and driven to convince you of something, Money for Nothing is written with a casual, banterous tone - the way a store clerk would talk to his friends. The song doesn’t really insult the deplorable state of the music industry, it merely laughs, “Hey, those rock stars, they’ve got a pretty good scam going. I wish I could pull something like them.”

You might even argue that the store clerk isn’t angry. His tone is so jocular, and so respectful of the riches that rock stars make, that you could see him as less complaining about the unfairness of the music industry, and really more impressed at what a sweet scam those rock stars are playing. He wishes he could be like them.

When the tone of a piece is so friendly and unaggressive, you’ve got to think about whether the artist really meant something other than “the music industry is just making money for nothing”.

Well, it’s no unknown fact that the music industry is hardly money for nothing. In most cases, musicians make close to nothing despite working constantly and with great talent. Of course, the very tip-top of the rock star hierarchy make a ludicrous income, but even they spent years playing gigs at minimum wage and working tirelessly to perfect their art. It might be good money at that point, but it’s not money for nothing.

Some might argue that the topic being satirised is really the store clerk - or, more accurately, the commonly-held belief that famous rock stars, football stars, actors, and other celebrities, are all making money for nothing. In truth, the only way to become a famous rock star is to be driven to ridiculous lengths by passion for music and then to get a good heaping of luck on top of it. The songwriter is simply laughing at the naivety of the store clerk, because the songwriter has himself experienced the amount of work needed to become famous, and it certainly isn’t money for nothing.

Then again, perhaps the piece exists just so we can laugh at how the store clerk speaks - cause his words are, on their own, pretty funny.

The War on Men

Well, folks, if there's one thing that's certain in this world - yes, the one undeniable and incorrigible constant - it's this one little but really quite obvious fact: You're wrong.

For every hashtag there is an equal and opposite hashtag. #BlackLivesMatter? Ha! I'll have you know that #AllLivesMatter. #MeToo? That's far too mainstream, try #HimToo. #BlackPantherForMovieOfTheYear? Nuh-uh, #InfinityWarHadASuperiorPlotlineAndStrongerCharacterDevelopment, so there.

And when women start championing for equality, you can be absolutely and completely certain that folks are going to gnash their teeth and pop their veins and fight to the bitter end for the noble cause of antifeminism.

Antifeminism is a movement in opposition to the cause of feminism. The movement has been adopted by countless far-right groups and touted on popular news shows, such as Fox News or Info Wars, and championed by right-wing activist like Jordan Peterson.

Well, to some the movement sounds a bit ridiculous. The Opposition w/ Jordan Klepper is a news show that satirically mocks right-wing rhetoric, and one of its episodes, "War on Men: Resisting the Estrogenda" has the antifeminist movement as the butt of its jokes.

In Jordan Klepper's view, the feminist movement is fighting purely for equality, and the antifeminist movement is one that seeks to prevent the attainment of equality. By showing just how simple and logical the demands of the feminist movement are, he suggests that antifeminism is really just fighting for gender inequality, rather than equality. He asks that people stop demonizing feminists as having some "secret anti-male agenda," and reminds us that we all deserve basic rights.

That's his point, that's what he's fighting for, but now here's the important bit: how is he doing it?

He’s doing it with this little line right here:

“Those feminists, those feminists! They want a whopping “basic rights and equality,” and now that’s just asking a bit too much!”

It’s a pretty convincing line, or - well, it’s a pretty unconvincing, really. When you hear some of the points he makes, you start to compare them to stuff real anti-feminists have said. In fact, you might just start realising that the stuff that these anti-feminists are saying is pretty bananas. That's the power of sarcasm - he sort of kind of is fighting against feminism, and then again, he's also not.

Right, so that’s the basics - now let’s get down to the metaphorical gearbox and take a look at what exactly Klepper is doing and how he’s doing it in each of his sections:

BATTLEGROUND 1: TECH

Now, the tech industry has always been a spot of big anger in the feminist discussion. Silicon Valley is infamous for being one of the most male-dominated industries in existence (ref). Yes, it might even be more male-dominated than the circumcision industry, and that one’s pretty male-dominated. Women just don’t think they cut out for tech work, and the men already in the industry don’t think women are cut out for it either! But, it’s true, women are getting an increasing share of Silicon Valley (ref), and they’ve been getting an increasing share of about every other industry too (ref). They’ve been steadily flooding into the labour market, and that makes some people very mad.

In order to help women into the tech industry, many companies and activists are pulling off lots of neat little tricks - like coding bootcamps for women, awareness-raising programs, and so on. This happens in loads of other industries too - benefits for women and minorities, and a resulting increase in female and minority participation.

“Now that’s just unacceptable!” cry the anti-feminists. “Women are getting unfair advantages over men, and we’re being forced out of the industry!”

“You’re totally right,” says Jordan Klepper. “Women own a total of 11% of executive positions in the tech industry, and now that’s just too dang much! I mean, they’re demanding things as crazy as an equal chance of employment!”

“Ooo-er,” say the anti-feminists. “Well, when you word it like that, then of course it sounds silly… but they are taking over our tech industry!”

“You're totally right! They are demanding equal chances of employment!"

Now Klepper’s got his opposition in a pinch. By reminding us that what the feminist are really after is just equal employment odds and not being told they’re too “neurotic” for the job, we start to realise that maybe the anti-feminists are the ones that are making the ludicrous demands, and not the other way around.

BATTLEGROUND 3: DOWN WHERE IT'S WETTER

Those thieving sneaking burgling cattle-copping stabbing liberals are back at it again with their old tricks and now look what they’ve done! Yes, they really have, they’ve put CHEMICALS in the SOIL and now all the EARTHWORMS are turning JEWISH and LESBIAN!

In this section, Klepper makes a quip at some of the nonsensical conspiracy theories that the right-wing media occasionally vomit out about those thrice-darned liberals. Klepper claims that the feminists have increased the world’s temperature so that all the turtles in the world are more likely to be female, and they’re planning to do the same thing to humans too!

The most well-known example of these theories is Alex Jones and his exceptionally well-known show Info Wars, and his most well-known claim is that the liberals are “putting chemicals in the water that turn the friggin’ frogs gay!”

Watch that work of art right here.

It’s not his first conspiracy. He’s also claimed that the US army developed a gay bomb that turns enemy soldiers homosexual, as well as that Hillary and Bill Clinton used a pizza shop as a front to run a child sex ring. (ref)

It’s almost become a running gag - well, perhaps not even a gag, an honest-to-god truth - that the liberals and feminists are perpetrating some secret scheme or agenda, and are manipulating the government to achieve it.

Klepper, of course, lays down the flak. No, there is no gay bomb, Alex, and the frog population is decreasing due to environmental changes, not their sexuality. I promise.

Klepper is speaking out against the demonisation of the feminist movement - the idea that feminists are somehow evil and are trying to crush men beneath their razor-sharp heels. He reminds us again that all women really want is basic rights and equality.

And that can’t possibly be too much to ask.

BATTLEGROUND 2: The DRUGS

I think I've got the battleground order wrong. No matter! Let's keep going.

In this bit, Klepper puts some more fire on the conspiracy theories touted by the right-wing. In this case, he makes the brill claim that women have engineered Ibuprofen to steal our mojo!

It's the same basic idea as the female turtles gimmick. It's a silly claim, but lots of people stand by silly conspiracy theories relating to the feminist movement.

He also mocks the birth control pill. Yes, that innocent little pill that may or may not give you cancer. Studies have linked the birth control pill to depression, inflammation, vaginal bleeding, nausea, vomiting, and generally just having a really bad time (ref).

The point is, again, that the antifeminists are blowing small problems (such as women being given additional incentives to enter the tech industry) out of proportion, while hiding from bigger problems (like men controlling 89% of executive positions in silicon valley).

Klepper is saying “Ibuprofen is bad? Jeez, women have been using carcinogenic and depression-causing pills since the 60s! Your ibuprofen is nothing!”

Klepper also notes that sad little fact that women are three times as likely to take anti-depressants. They're also twice as likely to be depressed (ref). That's not so much of a satire as it is just another proof of the worrying state of women's rights.

IN CONCLUSION

Through the skilful application of that most deadly of implements, that gods and men alike fear to see wielded in anger, that golden sword of SARCASM, Klepper takes some harsh shots at the anti-feminist movement. He argues that the feminists ask for one thing and one thing only, and that is basic rights and equality, and that they aren’t evil lizard-people that have taken over the government. Really they ask for almost nothing, and what they do ask for is perfectly justified.

He pretends to take the side of the anti-feminist movement and in doing so sabotages it. By arguing against feminism, he shows us that the feminists want very little, so that when he tries to argue against feminism, he just starts to sound silly.

He’s a clever fellow, I won’t lie. It’s a good approach, and given how funny it is, I’m sure it can’t help but work! Yes, we’ll convince all the anti-feminists with this!

That is, if we can get them to watch it.

Here is the harsh truth, folks.

The Opposition w/ Jordan Klepper is a left-wing show.

What self-respecting right-winger would watch it?

What anti-feminist?

Do you really think this lambasting tirade of insults will cause anything except scare the anti-feminists away? Do you think they'll even consider watching it?

You have to wonder whether the Opposition w/ Jordan Klepper exists to convince right-wingers that they're wrong, or whether it exists purely to make the left-wing feel happy about how right they are.

Ah, then again, it's pretty funny.

I suppose that's reason enough for it to exist.