Don't take anything too seriously. It'll just cause you problems. I mean, nobody really cares if you think something is funny, as long as you keep it to yourself. If you don't, tread lightly. Make sure the person you're talking to has nothing to do with your joke. Slap a "Dark Humour" label on your jokes- it makes them feel less insulting. Make sure no one overhears you.
Don't be an idiot. Nothing will go catastrophically wrong if you aren't an idiot. Everything will go slightly wrong even if you aren't an idiot. But you'll spend less time picking up the pieces if you don't decide to jump into the swimming pool from the roof.
Don't believe anything they tell you about sex. Don't believe anything they tell you about religion. Question everything, but never question it out loud. People get very mad at you when you question them. You might know that shouting loudly doesn't make your argument reasonable, but it does help you win the argument. You might know that insulting your opponent doesn't make your argument reasonable, but it does help you win the argument.
Be a happy nihilist. Nothing matters, so why give? Don't do something right, do something noticeable. They both make you famous, but doing the right thing is always the most difficult of the two.
Be concerned about your exterior. Nobody really cares about what you are on the inside- if you seem like a good person, you must be a good person. Hide your inside from most people. It's more ugly than what's on your inside. Show someone your inside once in a while, or you might go insane. Make sure the person you show isn't scared away by your inside. Try to access others insides. You can't predict what someone will do if you can't see their insides.
Don't steal quotes off the internet if someone is going to read your work. Imitate other people's work- it's probably better than yours. Don't steal work from idiots. Don't steal work from average people. Don't steal work from smart people. Steal work from bloody geniuses.
Act smart. You don't have to be smart, just act the part. If you can't make it, fake it. Pretend you're awesome. It's good for your self-image, and you might just trick someone. Exaggerate. It's more funny that way. If you're in a position where humour will get you slapped, hide. Be silent. Avoid contact. Wait until the anger has passed. It always does. Trying to cheer someone up if they're mad is suicide. Trying to cheer someone up if they're sad is very effective.
Don't steal quotes off the internet if someone is going to read your work. Imitate other people's work- it's probably better than yours. Don't steal work from idiots. Don't steal work from average people. Don't steal work from smart people. Steal work from bloody geniuses.
Act smart. You don't have to be smart, just act the part. If you can't make it, fake it. Pretend you're awesome. It's good for your self-image, and you might just trick someone. Exaggerate. It's more funny that way. If you're in a position where humour will get you slapped, hide. Be silent. Avoid contact. Wait until the anger has passed. It always does. Trying to cheer someone up if they're mad is suicide. Trying to cheer someone up if they're sad is very effective.
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